The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
