I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Randomize
