Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
My vagina just recognized that song.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
