Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
