i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
This gyro tastes like lonliness
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
