My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
