I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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