So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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