Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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