I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
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