I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
