I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Farmville is her only friend.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
