Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I need to calm my uterus...
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
