Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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