Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
