i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Randomize
