I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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