you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
