too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize