saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
