I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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