You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
