do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Randomize
