I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I'm just crazy horny about you
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
