also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Randomize
