remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
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