Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
