update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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