His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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