Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I'm just crazy horny about you
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
