Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
