I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
