The maid of honor just puked.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
