Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
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