He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
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Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
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I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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