I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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