bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
