I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
