Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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