Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
