The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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