I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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