Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
