just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
