discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
