I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
