are you so shy because you have an std?
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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