Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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