I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize
