When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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