Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
