come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
