Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
