He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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