I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
