well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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