In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
