okay pat passed out under dana's car
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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