I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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