Don't make out with my wife yet
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
