apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
