Dude my mom stole all your condoms
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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