Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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