I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
