he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
